Wednesday, 22 May 2013

PARANORMAL INSANITY.


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This past Christmas Season, I had the fine pleasure of working in a "luxury" department store, behind the fine jewelry counter. I use the term "luxury" rather loosely as I can tell you from experience that the only "luxury" in this department store was the overpriced nature of its sale items and your given day(s) off... Showering was another "luxury" as most of the staff throughout this mall of despair didn't take personal hygiene very seriously. I believe most of my fellow workers could have benefited from treating their hygienic needs like a terrorist attack. There were many "bombs" throughout the mega-store...

As I worked with a colorful crew of characters, my personal favorite was an older woman named Jeanette. And by older, we're talking 80 plus. By no means am I an agist, but Jeanette's relationship with senility was strong. No one was breaking up that loving romance. The first time I saw Jeanette, I was instantly intrigued. She had flaming-orange hair, cut into a bouncy bob like hairstyle - it had punch. She was wearing wild conflicting prints with orthopedic wedges. She was a punch. As I walked out from my first interview, all I could see for miles was Jeanette's flaming hair. I thought to myself: "Bitch is gonna be ca-rayyyyy-zeeeeeee. Bat-shit nuts, party of 1..." I was excited for the prospect of working with this lady.

When I showed up for my first day, Jeanette was the first to welcome me. "I'm Jeanette and I can connect with the other side." Well, that was a given. Now, it was only confirmed. I responded gleefully: "Fascinating. Tell me more." Jeanette began to explain to me that she is a medium and connects with dead people in her dreams. It was getting better... As the conversation carried on, Jeanette explained that she is as legit as they come. She was on a mission to make me a believer. The truth is that I'm not really sure of everything out there myself and I believe there are real mediums out there in my personal opinion. I wasn't closed off to the topic, but I had many questions: "What are you doing in retail, then??" To which Jeanette, or rather ESPN-Jeanette, responded: "I could never take money for it. I work for the soul." I stood there in confusion. All I kept thinking is: "You gotta be shittin' me, woman..." What I replied was: "What are you doing in retail, then??" I couldn't wrap my head around her answer. I continued: "If you're doing good, connecting people with their loved ones on the other side, why wouldn't you allow it to support you? If it could support you, then why not? It's a gift, right?" ESPN-Jeanette explained that she felt it would be dishonest. Funny she should say that, because I was finding her pretty dishonest. I'm sorry, but there's no way in hell that someone with a true gift like that would be working until 11 pm on a weekend at 80 years old for fifteen bucks and hour. Sorry, that's just crazy - bat-shit crazy. 

I continued to probe ESPN-Jeanette with questions, confirming her instability further. Suddenly I became a licensed physician - a psychiatrist. I was diagnosing my new patient: an older woman who happened to be color-bling, with a wild imagine and a love for boxed hair-dye. Was she capable of performing at work?? I didn't know yet. (The later answer would be no, though.) Did she smell of wine from her lunch break?? It was as if a bottle had been poured over her flaming-orange head. She reeked. Maybe she was drinking Absinthe with her turkey sandwich on rye.  

Then the conversation took an awfully special turn. "Remember 9/11??" ESPN-Jeanette asked me. Again, I was thinking: "You gotta be shittin' me, woman." Outwardly and slowly, I responded "yes..." Then it got great. "Well... I had a dream about it the night before it happened. I called the White House and told them and they ignored it. Then, 9/11 happened. The day after, I got in touch with the White House again. They now believed me. I'm now an informant for the U.S. Government and I warn them when I've had dreams... I'm on a special list..."

Yeah, I'm pretty sure your on a "special" list. You're definitely on a list.

And, finally, I was left with one more question for her: "What are you doing working in retail??"

Thoughts or opinions? 

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