If you're asking yourself the same question, I'm going to give you a hint: Man.
"I hate when women compare men to dogs. We got to stop doing that, ladies. 'Men are dogs. Men are dogs.' We got to stop that. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal!" - Wanda Sykes, 'Sick & Tired'.
Check out the clip here.
Now, recently I've been seduced by a type of lifestyle. What type of lifestyle is this, you may ask? Well, rest assured, I'm going to tell you. This lifestyle choice is that without a man. I've been seduced by single-dom and fear I can never go back to life with a man. They're a hassle, a shit-load of responsibility, and often times more emotionally fucked than the next girl. By girl, I lump myself into the boatload of struggles for women. I am a lady and therefore cannot be classified a man, or rather inferior to dog.
During my single-dom, many of my friends have opted for the lifestyle with which a man is required. Bleh. Either way, it's a personal choice, so I support my happily partnered friends alike.
Two girlfriends in particular have been strayed down this road with false implications: Enter a man... That is normally how these stories begin. My one girlfriend Erin has been seeing a guy somewhat casually for close to a year now. She found traces of another relationship in his life, but out of her own fears and insecurities, she trusted him when he denied the circumstances. As an outsider looking in, the writing was on the wall. It was more transparent than Jessica Simpson's second pregnancy to prolong her lack of success with Jenny Craig. Why lose the weight for the million dollar checks when you can get knocked up again - stay under contract - and eat as much Carl's Jr as your wallet allows you. Judging by her bank account, that's a lot of Carl's Jr.
As time has strung on for dear Erin, her guy has not only been dating someone else, but he treats Erin like dirt on the wall. He's constantly trying not to look at her, much in the way dirt on the wall festers in the corner. Once in a while, he throws some splatter her way (i.e. some sex), only accumulating more mess on the wall. Really, though, he's just an asshole. And for some reason, my girlfriend Erin keeps going back for more. He's no prize is the best part. If any of my friends called tomorrow and explained that they were dating a newly-single David Beckham, but that he may be screwing someone else, I'd tell them to suck it up. C'mon, it's David Beckham. But, this guy... He's more of a Chris Brown. It's not cute. This past weekend, she spent time at his house, while he hid in a bathroom texting his other girl. Erin was a mess and when she confronted him, he verbally 'Chris Brown'd her. Again, not so pretty.
My girlfriend Suzy, on the other hand, met a guy about 6 months ago. He seemed like everything. He was half-black, which enticed both Suzy and myself, at the prospect of a sizable manhood... Side note: Size does matter. Crucially... Any-who, Suzy had been burned pretty bad by her last guy and was horribly skittish like an abused puppy, afraid to enter another doomed relationship. This guy was sweet and said everything right and she was starting to like him. All of her friends - myself included - suggested she open herself up to the possibilities and give this guy a chance. Maybe he wasn't an asshole, despite her predilection for assholes. She gave it a chance and despite a few obstacles, committed to him. One obstacle, of course, being the fact that he was awfully soft in the face, having a slightly feminine look. Suzy, as open minded as she is, is not a lesbian. Still, she gave it a chance in hopes of the potential - emotionally and below the waist. The last few months she has been in glee. Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere - he dumped her. He explained to Suzy that: "You're wifing material. You're the girl for the long run, but I met someone else this week and she's more of a right now kind of girl." Really?? Is this the new: "It's not you, it's me"??
When did men become such assholes? And when did they become dogs? My dog is the sweetest gem of loyalty and companionship. He will never leave me for a cuter, younger model. Period.
After these two stories alone, of Erin and Suzy's asshole fascination, I find myself more influenced by that other lifestyle: single-dom.
Happily single, party of 1 here - with my pup.
Thoughts or opinions?
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