WHERE AM I AND WHO ARE YOU???

Where am I? How did I get here? These are questions I ask myself daily.

One might assume this to be an occupational hazard, and to that they would be correct. I am a daily hazard to myself and any surrounding observers. People often become casualties of my awkward stumbling existence.

Ever since I was a babe, my earliest memories were of my questioning confusion.

As far back as I can remember, I've felt out of place. My childhood never seemed like my own. My family were ultra-Orthodox practicing Jews which made me the same.

I had "peyus" that wrapped around my ears twice. What are "peyus" you may ask?
If you've ever observed the ultra-religious sects of Judaism, the men often have long, grown-out sideburns dangling from their temples. In most cases, they are curled.These are referred to as "peyus". The biblical meaning behind them was that when the Hebrews were enslaved in Egypt, the Egyptian people would shave their sideburns past the temple, as many non-Jewish peoples had in history. Because of this, the Hebrews - who later became the Jews - would grow out their sideburns in a way of nationalistic pride. In turn, it has continued through today. Religious Jews without "peyus" will still not shave their sideburns past a certain point.

Now, my "peyus" weren't curled professionally like most the sets you see out there, but mine wrapped twice around my ears. I wore a rather large yarmulka (a traditional Jewish head covering, similar to a "beanie".) and was taught to pray 3 times a day. I wore "tzitzit" underneath all of my shirts. "Tzitzit" if you don't know refers to a four-cornered garment with tied strings in each of the four corners. The tied chords are tied a certain way in order to equal a Judaic calculation of 613. The relevance of that number is equal to the 613 "Mitzvos" or good deeds of the Bible. The garment is meant to remind those wearing of their observance and prayer to The Lord.

Given the description above, you can understand that I was a walking advertisement for Judaism. Anywhere we went, people knew who we were. At the very least, people knew we were Jewish. That was always a governing theme amongst my surrounding community. We were taught in school to wear our Jewish identity with pride and to feel a part of the "Chosen People".

People definitely knew we thought we were the "Chosen People".

I didn't want to be part of the "Chosen People". I didn't want to wear my "tzitzit". I DEFINITELY did not want to wear my "tzitzit". That was a daily argument in my house as a youngster.

Now, it seems so trivial, but at the time I worried that I would have to wear them my whole life and wanted to break free for good. I didn't feel like I should be arguing about these things. It didn't make any sense to me. Why should I have to wear a yarmulka if I'm thinking about taking it off every second that it sits on my head?

Sure the idea of all things that were "Kosher" seemed swell and all, but "Kosher" didn't equal Nabisco or Oreos as a kid. For those who don't know, "Kosher" or one's "Kashrut" relates to the Jewish diet. Certain things like the combination of meat and dairy are Not Kosher across the board. Foods like Oreos may have Kosher ingredients, but if not supervised by a man of the cloth, they're deemed Not Kosher. Oreos are now, in fact, Kosher, but were not for most of my childhood. We had imposter Oreos made by Kosher brands, but they weren't Oreos. There were so many foods that I wanted to try as a kid. The idea of a cheeseburger, of McDonalds, of Oreos - it fueled my curiosity.

It never made any sense to me why this was my life.

I was familiar with the age old adage that "Life isn't Perfect", but I still felt out of place. Why was I learning all day about a religion I didn't want to learn about? Why was I forced into dietary restrictions that I so strongly opposed?

How is this my life?

I would ask myself that question constantly.

I dealt with many other issues growing up including my impending sexual orientation as a big ol' queen. With all of that and my other insecurities, I always viewed my environment separately. It seemed like a choice to observe the religious traditions and I wanted to flee them. I fantasized throughout my entire childhood of leaving the fray.

I hoped - endlessly.

After years and years of that puzzling and restrictive environment, I've found myself lost in the world. I stumble through everything unsure of what normal is. I ask myself constantly: Where am I? and How did I get here?

Everything still seems strange to me because the secular world was never embraced as home growing up, while the Orthodox world of fundamental religion never felt inviting to me.

So, here I am: Asking questions, flailing about, and Eating Oreos.

Thoughts or Opinions?

WHAT WOULD JESUS [JUGS] DO???

In an overly telling episode of RHOOC (Real Housewives of Orange County) last night, we watched the women at their best: FIGHTING.

These women are angry and you best not get in their way.



See?? I told you. That's Tamra, and girl was real angry last night on Bravo's Monday night lineup.

And ladies don't back down from a fight.



That's Vicki. She's ready for it.

The storyline of last night's episode and so far this season has been mending relationships.

Last season ended with a lot of angry words. Teresa Giudice from RHONJ (Real Housewives of NJ) sums it up best:



Thanks Teresa.

Back to RHOOC, these women have set out to mend fences with each other and move forwards. Last season these women had a lot of anger towards each other.



Tamra was very angry. (Judging by this season so far, she still is...)

And then there's the new addition of Heather Dubrow:



Heather's always giving side-eye to her castmates.



See?? And don't act like you don't know she's an actress...



Needless to say, these women have a lot of issues to get through. The issues I want to focus on today are Bullying and Jesus Jugs.

These might seem like completely unrelated themes, however they are far too close for comfort.

The cast member most at odds with the rest of the women is Alexis Bellino, photographed below:



Alexis has had a rocky start since the beginning, with many of the women accusing her of being phony, pretentious, and hiding behind her Christian beliefs.

Shortly after her addition to the cast, Tamra coined the title of "Jesus Jugs" when referring to Alexis.

This is not to be confused with the following:



Finally, last season, Jesus Jugs' castmates confronted her with their issues.



Jesus Jugs did not take well to their criticisms.



She cited their complaints as obvious bullying. With the term "bully" being such a hot button these days, this opened up the sympathy card for Jesus Jugs.

I want to start by saying that bullying is never acceptable.



That being said, I'd hardly call this situation bullying. I was bullied all throughout my childhood on the basis of being different. I was taunted, beat up, threatened, alienated, and secluded with my sadness. There were days that were too much for me. It was a hard time and I felt like I had no escape.

"Bullying" as described by the American Psychological Association (www.apa.org) is: "aggressive physical contact, words or actions to cause another person injury or discomfort..."

While I think Jesus Jugs was attacked/assaulted verbally by her castmates, I don't think it was bullying.
Bullying can be overwhelming and paralyzing. When you are paid to be a member of a Reality Show Cast, you open yourself up to criticism and ridicule. You take a home a meaty paycheck for fighting with these women. Anyone who has seen a Real Housewives of Anywhere episode knows that a large part of the franchise's lure is the FIGHTING. It's not something retained in the fine print of their contract. It's on TV for the world to know.

All of this talk of bullying and heavy topics makes me crave the good ol' days of RHOOC when we had Lynne. Lynne was mostly plastic (many procedures, some of which were documented on the series), constantly stoned, and living in another world.

Unfortunately Lynne was evicted.



Both from the series and her Newport home.

All of this said, I LIVE for these women and their fights.

The real question now is:



"What would Jesus Jugs do?"



Well, it seems she's not spreading correctly. My advice:



It works wonders, girl!

And on the topic of Jugs...



Thought or opinions?

FABULOUSLY FUN., COOL, AND GAY-------FRIENDLY...

I often find myself tired of some of the music my friends like.



When I do find something I like, I really get into the words and tone. I could repeat the same song thirty times over if it holds my interest.



One of my favorite things to listen to these days is the amazingly unique sound of Nate Ruess and his band Fun.



While most mainstream listeners were introduced to Fun. through their song "We are Young (feat Janelle Monae)" from last summer, I fell in love with the band the first time I heard "Some Nights".

Check it out below:

From the moment I heard this anthem, I was hooked.

I downloaded their entire album.



I also downloaded the album prior to the most current, 'Aim to Ignite'.



I became entranced with Nate Ruess and his phenomenal voice.

Reminiscent of Queen's Freddie Mercury, Nate Ruess is unique.

Aside from loving Fun. and Nate Ruess's unique sound, I became entranced with their stance on equal rights and the option to marry.

Take a look at their video interview on the topic below:

For all of those out there trying to silence the gays, it's nice to know there are more people in our court.

It helps that they're cute and can sing.

I saw Fun. live in Los Angeles this past year and the show was Fun-nominal. (Cheesy, I know. Me, not Fun.) I picked myself up the following t-shirt at their concert.




This is a shirt that the band sells proudly on their site.

Click this link for Fun. Merchandise.

Not only are they one of the coolest bands out there, their music is truly unique, similar to them...



Take a listen to P!nk's new single featuring Fun.'s own Nate Ruess.

Give Fun. a chance!



Thoughts or opinions?

WHY I'M SMASH'd ABOUT 'SMASH'.

I haven't been a fan since the beginning of 'Smash'. Sure, I've watched every episode of the NBC drama musical, but that's simple logistics.

I'm a TV addict and unfortunately fall succumb to the powers of that flat screen.
In turn, I become a zombie, unable to stop watching.


It sucks me in...



And, eventually, all I see is Ryan Gosling:



And while that's not a problem for anyone, it defeats the purpose of television.

Back to my deep need to finish a show until it's dead, I have been watching 'Smash' since the beginning.



Prior to the show's premiere date, there was a lot of hype surrounding this new addition to the NBC lineup. Steven Spielberg was one of the show's executive producers and the marketing team for the show put this on blast all over the place.
So, first things in place, this was branded as 'Steven Spielberg's Show'.



Secondly, this show was a musical, following on the coattails of 'Glee' and all of the commercial success that the musical show received. 'Smash' - unlike 'Glee' - was set on the Broadway stage with all of the adult politics of the New York stage and everything that goes into a musical. To many, this seemed like an adult alternative to 'Glee'. In addition to Spielberg, the show set out to catch attention with its star-studded cast including Debra Messing, Angelica Huston, and a string of Broadway stars famous to the stage. So, now we have a Spielberg backed musical with a star-studded cast premiering on NBC and they introduced their star: Katherine McPhee.

For those of you unaware of Katherine McPhee's resume, take a look at the clip below:

That's Katherine McPhee losing American Idol, Season 5, to Taylor Hicks. Hicks is arguably the most undeserving winner in American Idol's history.

McPhee, although the runner up, is a phenomenal singer with a powerful voice. I was always curious, after the show, why she had not become a big star. She had a few roles in small movies and released a few songs, but nothing notable like a starring role on a Steven Spielberg backed Primetime show.

Once the show premiered, it was pretty obvious the power of McPhee's voice.

Girl can sing.

That being said, it was also pretty quickly obvious to the viewing public that McPhee has no substance when acting on the show. She's pretty lifeless and disengaging as a character. It's the songs alone where she shines.

An operatic cardboard box is akin to about as interesting as she gets.

The first season was a train-wreck. The show premise revolved around writing 'Bombshell', a Broadway intended musical based on the life of Marilyn Monroe and the work that goes into putting a show together. At the center of the program was McPhee's character 'Karen Cartwright', a bright-eyed ingenue from the MidWest fighting to find a place on the Broadway stage. McPhee's character was pitted against Megan Hilty's character for the lead as Marilyn. This rivalry never had much meat to its bones to begin with. The two characters couldn't be farther apart and it never seemed relevant that they two would be at odds for the same role; especially because Hilty seemed like a better fit all along. Tied in with the competition, we were introduced to a string of disinteresting characters and a mess of conflicting story lines.

The show got predictable and boring very quickly. Most bloggers that I follow gave up on the show early on, along with many critics and audience members alike. The possibility of a Season 2 seemed bleak.

Then, Season 2 was announced. I had no intentions of watching the show, but being a powerless zombie to the TV, I knew I would give it a shot.

A few things changed about the show. First and foremost, by midseason of Season 1, Spielberg was no longer part of the promotion. It was as if he wanted to wipe his hands clean. At least it seemed that way.

All of that changed when I saw the promotions for Season 2.



Yes, that's right. Miss Jennifer Hudson herself was making a guest spot as part of a multi-episode arc for the show's second season.

What could be bad about that? Hudson is current, relevant, has a voice for the gods, and has a pretty Academy Award win under her belt. For those of you who don't know who Jennifer Hudson is: Shame on you. And take a look at the clip below:

Jennifer Hudson was brought on in hopes of adding some vigor to the struggling mess of Season 1. This was meant to be a new program. Needless to say, they had me at 'Jennifer Hudson'.

I started the second season of NBC's 'Smash' expecting the worst, not even hoping for the best. I assumed I would give it a chance due to Miss Jennifer Hudson's addition to the cast.

Miss Hudson gives life to the tired show.

Miss Hudson almost brings life to the life-less Katherine McPhee. Almost. That being said, she brought a new energy to the show and infused other Broadway projects outside of the first season's 'Bombshell'. All of a sudden, in this second season, the show began to cut away from some of their retired story lines and focus on Broadway and the culture and give some sort of variety, music-wise.

The first season got too caught up in producing 'Bombshell' and the trivial dramas of that show, whereas the second season, as I continue to watch has led a focus to many other avenues of the NY Broadway scene. We get a glimpse into more avenues and more of a focus on the talent.

As the show rebranded itself within the first few episodes, we were distracted by everything and anything that was Jennifer Hudson. She is a crowd pleaser that J-Hud. (Not to be confused with jihad.)

In the clip above, we see Miss Hudson's talent at werk, introducing new music to the show as part of a rival musical to 'Bombshell' named 'Hit List'.



'Hit List' brings a bit of rock-opera akin to shows like 'Rent'. It's a nice change of pace to the dull first season.

The casting powers that be even introduced a new character played by Broadway vet Jeremy Jordan.

Jeremy is gorgeous, a fantastic singer, and falls completely flat in the personality department, similar to Katherine McPhee. As he was brought on to play her love interest, it only makes good sense. At this point, McPhee's name is synonymous with the program, so in order to keep her afloat, they needed an equally 2-dimensional character.



Brava!

In addition to all of this, the story line has gotten much better. The characters (outside McPhee and Jordan) have grown into more interesting complex people to watch and the music has only gotten better.

The roster of guest stars has been hugely entertaining.
Including:

The legendary Bernadette Peters.



Miss Peters guest stars as a controlling, Joan Crawford-esque mother to Megan Hilty. Yum.

And, yes, that's the same Bernadette Peters photographed below.



Then there's Liza with a Z.



Liza Minnelli as Liza Minnelli. No introductions or prescription pills necessary.

And the always entertaining Sean Hayes, playing a bi-polar actor off his meds.




Sean is referencing the first Season of the show, above.

As of the moment, this gem of a program is being cancelled. I, for one, want this show back next season and think this second season speaks for itself.

There are a few petitions circulating online to save this show.
I hope we get to see a Season 3, because if they brought Jennifer Hudson once, whose to say they won't again??

Here's a petition to save the show!


Check out this clip from 'Smash' and its original musical 'Don't Forget Me' by the incomparable Megan Hilty:

Give the show a chance. If I can, you should.

Rewrite their story?

Thoughts or opinions?

UPDATE: YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO PRAY THE GAY AWAY!

God created all bottoms equally; well almost.



In reference to the striking image above, You may ask yourself: Who is this brooding exhibit of masculinity and raw heterosexuality?

The second question you may ask yourself is: Would he like to meet my sister?

You may question the whereabouts of this perfect specimen as well as question his dating status.

If you had asked me a week ago, I would explain that this strapping stud was an ex-gay, because YOU CAN pray away the gay.



This stud, John Paulk, was the face of the "ex-gay" movement of the 90's.
John and his butch, yet also "ex-gay" wife even appeared on the cover of 'Newsweek' magazine explaining the details of their conversions.




If that doesn't capture the essence of "Happy Married Life", then I don't know what does...

The couple even published a book, declaring their love and devotion to this "changed" lifestyle.



All I want to know is: Whose family are they focusing on?? And when did John think those glasses were a good idea? Even an ex-gay should have some sort of fashion sense, right??

(What I tell you next may shock you. Hold back your shock and terror!)

In a sweeping upset, however, it was revealed this past week that John is no longer an ex-gay.

(Remember: hold back your shock and terror!)

The stud revealed:

“For the better part of 10 years, I was an advocate and spokesman for what’s known as the 'ex-gay movement,' where we declared that sexual orientation could be changed through a close-knit relationship with God, intensive therapy and strong determination..."

Interesting...

"At the time, I truly believed that it would happen. And while many things in my life did change as a Christian, my sexual orientation did not."

"Today, I do not consider myself 'ex-gay,' and I no longer support or promote the movement. Please allow me to be clear: I do not believe that reparative therapy changes sexual orientation; in fact, it does great harm to many people."

I'm so glad it only took 10 plus years and all of the horribly damaging misinformation that Paulk put out there in order for him to come to terms with his love of the cock-a-doodle-do.

His wife released a statement that they are in the process of divorce, and that she will "pray for him".

Well, Halleluyah! Or in the words of Shangela from Rupaul's Drag Race:



For the full interview with PQ Monthly, where Paulk renounces his conversion to an ex-gay, check out the link below.

John Paulk's PQ Monthly Apology Interview

My direct reaction was mostly directed towards the economy as I am sure John will be making his rounds as a philanthropist among the bath-houses within his community; as well as at large.

But with all of this gay conversion talk, this brings to mind one of my favorite classics: 'But I'm a Cheerleader'!



'But I'm a Cheerleader' is one of my favorite movies and completely apropos here.

The story follows Natasha Lyonne's character: a young, naive, Christian cheerleader who doesn't much like kissing her boyfriend. Her family and friends host an intervention where she is the guest of honor. Believing her to be gay, her family sends her off to a "Gay-Rehab", known as "True-Directions".

For those curious, that was a young Michelle Williams along with the Diva-himself, Miss Rupaul Charles.



There are many other gems along the way, like Sinead:



Throughout the film, we learn of each of the characters' "root" or reasoning behind their "preference" to the homosexual lifestyle.

During the process of proving their conversion, some may have been left behind. (No reference to the Kurt Cameron end-of-days Evangelical videos of the same name.)

I imagine a young John Paulk having a similar exchange where he too felt like a sissy.

The roles of men and women, respectably, are examined and re-taught.



As it should be.



Exactly.



How do these women not know this already??

And then there's the men.





(I imagine John Paulk at the center of this.)

And of course, they're taught hate:




Finally, there is the sexual re-programming, which is always key in chasing the gay out of you.




As if that's not appealing to all you straight folk out there... then I don't know what to tell you. I was never sent to a conversion camp and am still riddled with "the gay". Go figure.




One of the best things about this film is its ability to teach life lessons, like the one above.

In the end, similar to life, the gays realize that there is no saving for our breed. Gays are here to stay (except in the Middle East, of course.). And our lead can follow her dreams.





And love is love.




The only real difference between this movie and Mr. John Paulk was that it took Natasha Lyonne about 85 minutes to discover her truth rather than 10 plus years. Brava!

And for my RHOBH (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) enthusiasts, you will be thrilled to see the following clip. You will see Miss Brandi Glanville's ex Eddie Cibrian stroking the pole.

Yassssssssssssssssssss!

And for my RHOBH fans, here's a reminder of Eddie and Brandi from not so long ago...




And with that, I bid you adieu. Thoughts or comments?